DEAD MAN WALKING

Today is the loneliest day of my life. Today I laughed and cried at the same time. In my room I sit and stare at the walls and ceiling. I imagine this tiny space becoming smaller and smaller. The room reaching a point where I would have to stand on my two feet and press my arms tightly to my sides in order stay within these four walls. My mind wonders and I picture all of the people I know having fun and exciting lives. My love is finding another and my best friends are slowing forgetting about me. The world is leaving me behind as I stay trapped in my head. The miles between me and my family seem endless. We barely connect on the phone. I am forced to believe that I am slowing disappearing before my own eyes. Maybe I have already died but I refuse to accept it. Maybe if I accepted that as fact I could move on and leave this room, and eventually this world. I have succeeded at a few things at life but I have failed at most. My failures will be overlooks by my sister's massive success. Hopefully that will make my mother proud and not regret her only mistake, having me. My father will have the load of guilt lifted from his shoulders and can continue his life uninterrupted. Every woman who questioned their relationship with me will no longer need to worry. They will know that they made the right choice not getting involved with me. Losing a loved one is never easy. So following this day, the loneliest of days, I will no longer be alive. For the remainder of my life I will only be a dead man walking. There is nothing to fear as a dead man. Everyone will continue to live and embrace this life, while I will embrace my death. I no longer have to search for love or for friends. I no longer have to search for a job or a home. I no longer have to search. It's not like I take up much space anyway. When I am old and gray I wont bother to share any stories with the younger generations. A dead man such as myself has nothing to offer the living. Plus I died far too young to have a developed story. A real dead man is what I am. And you know what they say, "Real recognize real." So I will be able to see all of the other dead people as well. No matter how much they try to deny it or how much they hope for that one person, place, or thing to bring them life again, I will always be able to tell. So if you are unsure if you are really living but are too scared to know the truth, I suggest you stay away from me. Stay far far away from the dead man walking.