Saturday, October 31, 2009

Music Interruption for Your Pleasure


I really wanted to share some great music and lyrics with ALL of my readers (this is me making fun of myself). I am a big fan of CocoRosie. One of my favorites is the song By Your Side. I was listening to this most of today and I figured, "What the hell, I'll put the lyrics on my blog." I am big about creative expression, so no matter what the message is or what it is trying to do, I almost always enjoy the act. I honestly envy all of the people who put their all into their art and let the whole world view. It is like taking off your clothes in a room full of strangers. There is nothing to hide anymore. This is who you are and there is nothing left for you to do but love yourself. The viewer is by him/herself to decide if they like you. Well, CocoRosie, I like you.

Song: By Your Side
Album: La Maison de Mon Rêve


I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I just wanted to be your housewife
All i wanted was to be your housewife
I'll iron your clothes
I'll shine your shoes
I'll make your bed
And cook your food
I'll never cheat
I'll be the best girl you'll ever meet
And for a diamond ring
I'll do these kinds of things
I'll scrub your floor
Never be a bore
I'll tuck you in
I do not snore
I'd wear your black eyes
Bake you apple pies
I wont ask why
And i trys not to crys
I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
I'll always be by your side
Even when you're down and out
And its nearly midnight
And all i want with my life
Is to be a housewife
Is to be a housewife
'Cause it's nearly midnight
And all i want with my life
Is to die a housewife
Is to die a housewife

Just a Thought

Just a thought....it is crazy to think that people have prayed to God or Jesus, or whoever else, for something awful. They thought it was right and good...and godly. Well, this happens day to day and always has. There is no way for me to tell, at this time, how God filters out these prayers and His way of answering them. So, with that said I figured that I would try to play God briefly and attempt to break down prayers that I am assuming have been expressed by people.

(BTW: I do not like the thought of God answering prayers. I like to think we are given everything we need and it is up to us to work things out. The whole action of praying seems fine to me, I just don't like how people put so much pressure on God answering their prayers. Because if they look closely He already has.)

Looking at all of the tragedies that have happened and are happening in this world, I can only assume God is all about balance. I figure He tries to balance everything from past, present and the future. Human beings need balance in order to carry on and understand love. One needs pain in order to feel joy. Maybe that is why child birth is so painful. Many people feel that they are never heard by God and that their prayers are overlooked. Maybe people are not looking close enough at all of the blessings that have been given to them. There are so many prayers, most likely more meaningful, that we can go without because we have been blessed already. I am blessed because God blessed me with two functional legs. So therefore I, and my loved ones, don't have to pray for my legs to work one day or for me to be able to walk one day. So, If I am God I would look at all the blessing I have given the person already and use that in my equation. I would also look at the people around that person, because I know my actions will effect them as well. Just seeing somebody have their prayer answered can effect another person's faith or mood. But when I think of it that way, it feels as if it is all a puzzle, and I don't wont to think of God as some guy playing a game. Well, I'll leave that up for debate with myself later. The most important thing would have to be the good that is in the person's heart, or the people around him or her. That brings me to people who pray for awful things. Instead of making up random prayers, I want to use some that I feel have been thought of in the past. Somebody prayed that all of the Jews would be done away with. How did God balance that? How would I, if I were God, deal with that? I'm not going to attempt to touch that because I feel it is too heavy and only God could handle that. I just want to put it out there for thought. Somebody has prayed that they would become rich with only the intentions of buying cars, mansions, boats, clothes and other materialist items...And even with the intention of gaining power over people. This is also hard because I know (feel) that some of those people became wealthy and thanked God for it. It would be hard to answer something like that. For sake of balance, at times I would have to. I guess I would also be a God with hope that people with bad intentions will eventually see their wrongs and change. If God does answer prayers, I like to think He answers the bad ones with hope in his heart. That is the only thing that seems to make sense to me. Because it doesn't sit well with me that God would answer a prayer about killing someone(s), or somebody's need for a drug, or somebody's prayer that others will view their religion or ideals the same way as he or she does.

It all seems so technical when I think of it that way. Too much pressure for somebody like me, or any of us, to bear. I guess that is why I like to think that God doesn't pay too much attention to prayers. He lets us play out our lives with what we are given, which is a whole lot, and hopes we make the right decisions. And if we don't, somebody else who sees us will recognize where we went wrong. The action of praying then will be seen as an act of faith, which is nice, but not necessary. Because there are many other ways to show that you believe. Ways that are less confusing and leave no room for doubt.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Serenada Schizophrana

My feet dangle from the side of my bed...The blood from my arms slowly ooze to my shoulders...My hands start to tingle...I can feel and hear the hairs from my chin crinkle against the bed sheet as my eyes strain upward to view my computer screen (my eyes have eyes...just a thought)...Strings echo in my head as I listen to II Blue Strings...a perfect soundtrack to the emotional wreck taking place in my head...Wanting to be heard and stretch myself out just like these strings do...with the idea that, just as those same strings connect to form perfection, somebody will stretch out to me...When I listen to the music I can hear and feel the beauty in every note...My emotions are like children at play...as it gets more intense, the more scattered and disoriented everything is...each one needing attention more than the other...as the sounds slow and focus comes into place, a peaceful sadness takes over...still wanting attention...but is content with being alone...parallel to everything that is going on in my life, I make myself identify with the music...

Today I felt, and feel, that no one is there for me the way I am there for them. I never really distance myself from others. I read into people, possibly more than I should. I see the signs and I abide by them. I see the distance in their eyes. I see boredom. I see what they really want. I see that I am unwanted. I know that I have a strong understanding on what's important and what is not. And honestly I think that drives people away from me. I set my focus on only a few people who I felt would reciprocate, without a doubt, the love I constantly share. As you can see, that has only led me here: Serenade Schizophrana. It is a nauseating feeling when you need to express your emotions to somebody who you feel should care, but only to find yourself scrolling through your phonebook disappointed. Calling "the few" and getting no answer. Only a voicemail that will never be heard...so why bother. This would be an easier process to get through if it wasn't for remembering all of the times I sat and listened to each person's problems...held their hands, patted their backs, opened my arms and hugged them and even made them smile. So why is it when I need someone, I am alone with my Schizophrana. Most people would look at this and automatically assume it is me. A fair assumption, but believe me I have gone with that approach for years and I think I have proven that to be wrong. Since I do believe God is everywhere, I like to think I am being listened to when I listen to Serenade or Blue Notebooks or Kind of Blue. I just wish I had a person to listen and feel as closely and detailed like my favorite music has shown to do over the years.