Music Interruption for Your Pleasure

Here is another amazing song for all of my readers. :) It is called Second Lover by the group Noah and the Whale. It is from the album Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down.

This band has gradually become on of my favorites. The lyrics are extremely well thought out and clever. Each song compliments the other perfectly. My favorite song out of all of the music I have heard from them has to be My Door Is Always Open, which is on the album, The First Days of Spring. I didn't go with that song because it is pretty self explanatory and you have to hear the whole album in order to really get the full effect from the lyrics. This band does a great job with taking you on a journey from the first song to the last. Anyway, this song is a great example of witty and creative lyrics. As the song progresses you are given more and more images that allow you to see the whole picture come to the end. There are several key words in this song that do this. The first time you listen to the song you may not pick up on it. I hope you all enjoy and I hope you all seek out this group's music. You will not be disappointed.


Second Lover

When will our heartbeats fall into line
And the click clack
Of our boot heels
Beat out the same time

Oh and when will your hand find itself in mine

For I don t know your real name,
Your real age, or your shoe size,
But I'll leave this bedroom chair
And this keyboard behind

And I'll love you in reality and dreams

And though it kills me to know
That when we are through
You go to your real lover
Who'll put real kisses on you

Oh well an x is about the best that I can do

So this lonely, lonely heart
Has no use left for living,
After finding a love
In a heart so unpermitting

And I will die and never ever hold your hand

But I'll kiss my lips and I'll blow it to you,
It ll be the last thing that I ever do,
And wherever you go and whatever you do
There s a man underground that will always love you

DEAD MAN WALKING

Today is the loneliest day of my life. Today I laughed and cried at the same time. In my room I sit and stare at the walls and ceiling. I imagine this tiny space becoming smaller and smaller. The room reaching a point where I would have to stand on my two feet and press my arms tightly to my sides in order stay within these four walls. My mind wonders and I picture all of the people I know having fun and exciting lives. My love is finding another and my best friends are slowing forgetting about me. The world is leaving me behind as I stay trapped in my head. The miles between me and my family seem endless. We barely connect on the phone. I am forced to believe that I am slowing disappearing before my own eyes. Maybe I have already died but I refuse to accept it. Maybe if I accepted that as fact I could move on and leave this room, and eventually this world. I have succeeded at a few things at life but I have failed at most. My failures will be overlooks by my sister's massive success. Hopefully that will make my mother proud and not regret her only mistake, having me. My father will have the load of guilt lifted from his shoulders and can continue his life uninterrupted. Every woman who questioned their relationship with me will no longer need to worry. They will know that they made the right choice not getting involved with me. Losing a loved one is never easy. So following this day, the loneliest of days, I will no longer be alive. For the remainder of my life I will only be a dead man walking. There is nothing to fear as a dead man. Everyone will continue to live and embrace this life, while I will embrace my death. I no longer have to search for love or for friends. I no longer have to search for a job or a home. I no longer have to search. It's not like I take up much space anyway. When I am old and gray I wont bother to share any stories with the younger generations. A dead man such as myself has nothing to offer the living. Plus I died far too young to have a developed story. A real dead man is what I am. And you know what they say, "Real recognize real." So I will be able to see all of the other dead people as well. No matter how much they try to deny it or how much they hope for that one person, place, or thing to bring them life again, I will always be able to tell. So if you are unsure if you are really living but are too scared to know the truth, I suggest you stay away from me. Stay far far away from the dead man walking.

So what is it?

Young lazy man, please tell me your plan for when you meet him. You stand so strong, but in his presence you are nothing but a little boy hiding behind the legs of your mother. Your thumb propped in your mouth with tears building in your tiny innocent eyes. When he exits, you are big and courageous. The world has never seen a man so proud and so demanding. Malcolm X leading the oppressed "second class citizens" to the doorstep of the oppressor. You are a wrecking ball of inspiration and motivation to all. But yet you crumble and evaporate into tiny matter which gives off the appearance of nothingness when his eyes meet yours. Please explain. We are waiting. Oh, I get it. Your ideas of what a man should be and what type of man you want to be has only been showcased in your head. Alone in a giant auditorium, sitting center, is yours truly. The show slightly changes as you get older. Every scene, meticulously with love, is directed by a woman. You are left with the question, "Is it possible to ever be a man when the only man you know is through the eyes of a woman?" Women want a strong and loving man that listens and takes charge when needed. A man that will never hurt them or betray them. A man that will look at life from her point of view and be understanding of her place in this world as a woman. A man that will treat her as a equal, but will always go last. But as you get older you come to find that woman do not always know what they want from a man and that it differs from woman to woman. You also realize that a woman doesn't know how a man should be around other men. So the man you think you want to be is now in question. What you know for sure is that a real man never questions if he is a man or not. He knows. So as you hear his voice through the speaker of the phone or see him from afar, you feel as if you are hearing the man that you should be and that you will never be. In your mind he does not question and he is confident, which makes you doubt everything you have learned and transforms you back into that snot nose, stuttering little boy you once were. You have no problem being a man in anybody else's presence; a man's man even. But the thought of being face to face to the one who should have directed you, the Star, in that famous motion picture makes you hate yourself and hate the world you have grown to know. The feeling of being vulnerable is only for women and children, and that slab of meat between your two legs confirms that you are not a woman. So all that is left is a confused child seeking guidance that will never come. Truth is, you have done a fine job guiding yourself, or better yet directing yourself. Just how you doubt the wisdom you have gained from women, you now doubt the wisdom you have obtained on your own. He is everything your imagination has made him out to be. He is a man because you have always pictured him as a man. That is all that you know so therefore that is all that is real. So tell me. What do you plan to do when you finally meet him? We all know you wont cry, even though deep inside you probably want to. We also know you wont doubt him the way you doubt the women that have been part of your life since the beginning. He will crush 25 years of molding in 25 minutes. But that is only if you let him. He only possesses power over you if you give him that power. I guess it all comes down to if are you willing to accept the man that you are, and be that man. Or are you willing to throw it all away for someone who threw you away.


Today I overheard my roommate, who lives in the room next to mine, speaking on the phone. She is exactly my age. I do not know anything about her and I never planned on getting to know her. As much as I tried to mind my own business I could not help myself from listening to her conversation. She apparently was speaking to her father who she has never met. She explained to him how she has been searching for him for a long time and finally tracked him down through some relatives. As much as I wanted to continue to eavesdrop on her conversation, I knew that this was too personal and I shouldn't be listening. So I turned up my music on my laptop and changed my focus completely. About fifteen minutes later I could hear her crying. She wasn't saying anything so I assume she waited till she got off of the phone to let her emotions go. She turned off her light and continued to cry. It seems so odd to me that the person living next to me is going through an identical situation. But as identical it all may seem, I can not identify with her emotions. I wanted to go to her room and talk to her and try to understand why she was crying. Maybe it was joy. Maybe all of the frustration and stress built up from trying to track down her father was finally released. Maybe she sees it as taking a major step in her life towards fulfillment. But then again it could be disappointment. Maybe he did not sound as excited as she thought he would sound. Maybe he told her not to contact him anymore. Maybe he denied that he was her real father. Maybe her life was extremely difficult growing up because he was never around and she has mix feelings of anger and sadness. I would never know. All I know is that I can't imagine myself crying or being emotional for any of those reasons or any reason I may have not mentioned. So I wrote this piece (above) to try to drive some emotion out of myself. All I got out of it was an intriguing blog. I guess I will never know what it really is till I meet my father.