Remember Me

i am writing this one now with you in mind...i do not want to offend you...i love you and appreciate that you care...or at least act like you do...but this thought is for me and me only...i am posting it because i am selfish and i care about you too much...there is no visual for you on this one for there is nothing for you to learn...

Remember Me

So I fucked up yet again.  I fell into my own trap.  Fully aware of what I was doing and what the outcome was going to be might I add.  It makes me wonder if this is how my whole life is going to be.  I will continue to set myself up for failure until the day I put my hand on my heart, fall to my knees and look up to the heavens (going with the tradition of heaven being up in the clouds of the sky).  But then again...this world is too twisted and unpredictable for me to have this inevitable roller-coaster of events that lead to me being lonely and disappointed every time.  There has to be a point where I stop listening to myself and just let me be happy.  Because that is what it is all about right?  Yourself...well, myself.  I do everything for me.  I'll help you...for me.  I'll share with you...for me.  I'll love you...for me.  And I'll even die for you...for me.  It's quite twisted I know.  Because the worst thing to me in this world is to be forgotten.  I don't care if you only remember the bad things.  As long as you remember.  So here I am.  Searching to be remembered before I die.  What must I do?  People often say that it is my fault that I am the way I am.  I agree, but only to an extent.  Because I didn't ask to be born.  I didn't ask for my father to leave me when I was a child (*rarely do i think about the fact that he left my mother as well...now how selfish is that).  I never asked for my best friend to be shot in broad daylight or my other good friend to drive drunk.  I didn't ask for this government.  I didn't ask for this shitty society.  So, with all that said, it can not all be my fault now can it.

and i am finished with this thought...but i have to add this because it popped up in my mind when i finished typing...Manhatten, my sister, I love you so much and I will do anything for you no matter what...in your case it wouldn't matter to me to be remembered or not...as long as you are happy